control the present or future. Forgiveness is not dependent
on another's apology or reconciliation. Forgiveness, some
spiritual leaders say, is not the Providence of God because
God, as total unconditional love, is beyond forgiveness and all
other forms of judgment.
founder of The Forgiveness Project, a charitable organiza-
tion based in the United Kingdom that explores forgiveness,
reconciliation, and conflict resolution through real-life human
experience. In contrast, Cantacuzino offers, "Forgiveness is
a way out of darkness ... an inspiring, complex, exasperating
subject, which provokes strong feeling in just about everyone."
begins with forgiveness of oneself, cycling from within to
others and back within again.
Campaign for Love & Forgiveness materials.
from betrayal, offense, injustice, or deep hurt," the Fetzer
materials continue. "Forgiveness involves a willingness to see
the transgression and transgressor in a larger context and to
replace negative feelings with compassion and tolerance."
other is responding to you," says Robert Enright, professor
of Educational Psychology at the University of Wisconsin
Madison and a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness.
forgiving can, potentially, reduce your life span. Or, in the
words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa, "There
is no future without forgiveness."
including yourself, are fallible. We
make mistakes. We see the world
from diverse viewpoints. We have
different personalities, preferences,
cultures, beliefs, and needs that,
when combined with frustrations,
hurts, and injustices, can cause
pain in our hearts and psyches.
Therefore, forgiveness is a self-
administered salve that contributes
to better health, happiness, and
peace of mind.
five steps that he calls the REACH
plan: Recall the hurt; Empathize
with the one who hurt you;
Altruistically decide to forgive;
Commit publicly to forgiveness;
and Hold on to that forgiveness.
that hurt; ask yourself what benefit
you gain by harboring those
feelings; explore how those feelings
are impacting your body, your
mind, your spirit; then, imagine
yourself letting go of those feelings.
make amends, pray, or whatever
it takes -- in order to forgive both
yourself and others involved with
the situation. Realize that the
decision of what to do often relates
to the amount of interaction you
have with the other party. Do you
work together? Are you sharing the
custody of a child? Are you moving
on to a new relationship?
and experienced forgiveness agree:
Take those steps. Let go. Live.